“OPEN REHEARSAL FOR ORAL PARTNERING WITH RUBBER HOTDOGS”

SETTING: A dance studio.

AT RISE: ‘An Open Rehearsal for “Oral Partnering With Rubber Hotdogs”’ is projected on the high center screen. Lights come up on CHOREOGRAPHER and four or more DANCERs just entering, chatting casually. The CHOREOGRAPHER is carrying a large dance bag. CHOREO-GRAPHER sits on stool up stage center. DANCERs gather on floor around her.

CHOREOGRAPHER
Okay, everyone. I brought the props again today.
(gestures with open dance bag)
Uh, everyone grab your hotdogs, because we’re going to start with “Oral Partnering”.

(DANCERS reach into bag to grab rubber hotdogs.)

DANCERS
(overlapping voices: extemporize as needed. DANCERS are meanwhile sniffing, poking, prodding, tasting, etc. the ends of the hotdogs, which are being passed back and forth between them.)
I think this was your end... No, that was their hotdog... Well this end here is mine, I know that... Were we partnering last time? I don’t remember... No, this must be theirs. This tastes like Julie (use a DANCER’s real name)... No, I’m sure I was partnering with you last time... How would you know what Julie tastes like?... Well I know this is my end! So whoever is on that end must be my partner... (etc.)

CHOREOGRAPHER
Okay everybody. I don’t want us going through this every rehearsal. This time, mark your hotdogs. Come on, quick. Look, it doesn’t really matter who had which end last rehearsal. Just pick an end and mark it, and then that will be your end from now on, okay?

(CHOREOGRAPHER hands out pens to DANCERS. DANCERS mark their hotdogs. extemporized dialogue.)

CHOREOGRAPHER
Okay, all set? We’ll start at the opening quartet. And remember, when you want to temporize, extemporize.

(DANCERS take places mid stage left. CHOREOGRAPHER takes out notebook and begins taking notes. CHOREOGRAPHER continues taking notes throughout, always facing the stage left half of the space. DANCERS begin dancing, always stage left of center. The dance involves two couples, which each share weight through rubber hotdogs held in their mouths. Eventually the pair containing DANCER1 and DANCER2 cross center, at which point they stop dancing and turn to stretch and to watch the remaining duet who are still dancing. DANCER2, who is female, is now holding the hotdog in her hands. DANCER2 walks up behind DANCER1 and puts the hotdog in his/her mouth. DANCER1 is utterly disgusted by this, takes it out of his/her mouth with his/her hand.)

DANCER1
(gesturing with hotdog)
Hey. Please, don’t do that.

DANCER2
Why not?

DANCER1
(gesturing with hotdog)
Because I’m a vegetarian. I don’t like hotdogs.
(hands hotdog back to DANCER2 with obvious disgust)

DANCER2
But you held it in your mouth all through our duet.
(puts hotdog back into DANCER1’s hands)

DANCER1
(gesturing with hotdog)
But that’s over there, on stage. See this line here?
(indicates centerline)
See how it’s labeled? That side, is fantasy, art, theatre. This side is reality, real life. Now, I’m an artist. For the sake of art, I’ll hold this hotdog in my mouth, over there, in pretend, on stage. But here, in real life, uh uh. We’re not going there.
(hands hotdog back to DANCER2)

DANCER2
Why does the line have to be over there?
(puts hotdog back into DANCER1’s hands)

DANCER1
(as if stating the obvious)
Because that’s where it is.

DANCER2
Well look,
(puts hotdog back into DANCER1’s hands, then picks up one of the pens)
why don’t we draw the line here,
(draws a dashed line stage right of the centerline, and parallel to it)
and say this is fantasy,
(crosses out the word “REALITY” and write over it the word “FANTASY”)
and that this is reality over here?
(writes “REALITY” stage right of the drawn line)
And that way, you can stand right here, and still be in fantasy. And I can put my hotdog, in your mouth!
(stuffs hotdog in DANCER1’s mouth, then walks behind HIM/HER.)

DANCER1
(tries to talk with hotdog in mouth, then takes hotdog out of mouth and begins gesturing with it, chasing after DANCER2)
No no no. You can’t just go changing where the...

(DANCER3 and DANCER4 head towards the center line. DANCER1 and DANCER2 rush to get the hotdog into their mouths so that they can begin dancing. DANCER1 and DANCER2 resume dancing as they cross to stage left and as DANCER3 and DANCER4 cross to stage right and stop dancing. DANCER3 and DANCER4 begin stretching in the area between the centerline and the line drawn by DANCER2. DANCER3 notices the new words drawn on the floor. HE/SHE taps DANCER4, then points to words on floor. DANCER3 and DANCER4 move quickly to stage right of the drawn line, then resume stretching. As DANCER1 and DANCER2 head stage right, DANCER3 and DANCER4 put the hotdog back in their mouths and begin dancing, crossing to stage left. As soon as DANCER1 and DANCER2 cross the centerline, they stop dancing. DANCER1 resumes exactly where he had left off.)

DANCER1
(gesturing with hotdog)
You can’t just go changing where to draw the line. The line gets drawn there.
(hands hotdog back to DANCER2)
It doesn’t get to move around all over.
(DANCER1 grabs a cloth or dryeraser from the bag, and begins erasing the pen lines.)
This is not fantasy here.
(erases “FANTASY”.)
The line is not drawn here.
(erases dashed line)
And this is reality all over here.
(erases ‘REALITY”)

DANCER2
You just have no imagination.

(DANCER1 and DANCER2 put their hotdog in their mouth and resume dancing, crossing to stage left. Fade to black.)


END “OPEN REHEARSAL FOR ORAL PARTNERING WITH RUBBER HOTDOGS”