PHYSICAL THERAPY

SETTING: A hospital. A projection reads “Physical Therapy”. Center center is a hospital bed, tilted up vertically so that it looks more like a medieaval torture device. There are large boxes, apparently containing medical instruments, at both downstage corners of the stage.

AT RISE: PATIENT is strapped into the bed, facing the audience. HIS/HER head is still bandaged. Two DOCTORS enter, to stand on either side of the bed. DOCTORS are young, upbeat, and enthusiastic. (THEY resemble the MALE ARTSCHOOL STUDENTS from “COMP 101”.)


DOCTOR 1
(looking at PATIENT’S chart)
So, I see your head’s not working. Well, don’t you worry.

DOCTOR 2
We’ll have that head of yours working right again in a jiffy.

DOCTOR 1
We sure will. We’re experts.

(DOCTORS begin moving to the downstage corners, to stand behind the boxes.)

DOCTOR 2
At changing people’s minds.

PATIENT
(fearful)
You’re not going to, to hit my head with bricks, are you?

DOCTOR 1
(chuckling reassuringly)
Oh no, we don’t do that anymore.

DOCTOR 2
Those were the dark ages. Our techniques have become much more gentle and refined.

DOCTOR 1
Nowadays,

DOCTOR 2
We use

BOTH DOCTORS TOGETHER
(both reach into their medical boxes, to produce...)
Basketballs!

(TECHNICAL NOTE: these will need to be beachballs painted to look like basketballs, not real basketballs.)

(DOCTORS begin repeatedly bouncing the basketballs off of PATIENT’s head. This action becomes more and more stylized, gradually turning into an athletic competition, and then a dance.)

END OF “PHYSICAL THERAPY”